Yesterday the gym didn't happen - I made an excuse and told my friend I wasn't up for it (she replied saying that she wasn't either, so that was fine). If I'm honest I think I was a bit nervous about my friend seeing me working out for the first time in so long, it was going to be tragic enough solo, let alone with an audience!
Today I was meant to have a personal training session, however I recently started a new job and when I booked the personal training session, I assumed I would be working 8 to 5, and therefore 6pm should be perfect. It turns out that I'm actually working 9 to 6, so I couldn't have made the appointment and have had to reschedule for a weeks time (I now have it booked for Wednesday 6th June).
In short - not having personal training today was out of my control, but not going to the gym yesterday was totally my fault and there's no excuse for it.
However, there has at least been a small victory. Today, conscious that I no longer had personal training and was thus under no obligation to go to the gym, I sat on my laptop and began trying to talk myself out of going. If truth be told, I was pretty terrified of going there for the first time; Lots of people I didn't know, specifically lots of gorgeous and tanned people (after all, it's impossible to be fat if you were raised on the Mediterranean coast!), machines I'd never used with settings I'd never seen, etc.
Then, at some point during this thought process, a voice in my head intervened and said "Don't let fear control you" - I then forced myself out of the apartment and to the gym!
Now, whilst at the gym, I basically died. Before leaving Ireland about 2 months ago, I could go on a crosstrainer (elliptical trainer for any Americans reading) on medium fat-burning settings for 30 minutes, then do a 10 minute walk on a treadmill to cooldown, then I could do another 30 minute session on the crosstrainer; It would be a hard workout, but I could do it. Today, I was exhausted after 5 minutes on the lowest settings; I could have sworn at least 5 songs must have played on my iPhone, so why did the timer say I'd only been on it for 4 minutes in total!? After 10 minutes I had to call it a day and head home.
Undoubtedly, this was the worst workout I've ever done in my life, however they say half the battle is leaving the house and getting to the gym and today I am happy to have just won that battle. Provided I go back again this week and manage to do more than 10 minutes next time, I'm happy.
With regards to food, it's a similar story; Certainly not an ideal start, but a move in the right direction.
Last week I was eating Pizza Hut, drinking far too much alcohol, etc. Today, I had the following:
Breakfast: 2x Weetabix w/Semi-Skimmed Milk
Lunch: Pre-packaged Chicken & Salad Roll
Dinner: Mushrooms and peppers fried in Fry Light with 2 Veggie Burgers
Snacks: 3x small low fat breakfast bars, 1x medium bowl of Fruit & Fibre cereal w/Semi-Skimmed Mil, 1x small low fat yogurt
Drinks: Diet stuff (Diet Coke, No Added Sugar Robinsons, etc)
The plan, as you can probably imagine, was to have the above without the snacks - I found dropping from eating whatever I like in whatever quantity I like straight down to three considerably smaller meals pretty difficult though. Before I decided to let myself have a bowl of Fruit & Fibre I, again, was trying to justify in my head delaying the start of the diet and getting a Pizza. Then, I decided to stop beating myself up, allow myself to have something 'in the middle' (like a bowl of cereal) and then stick to the plan.
It is my intention to more accurately record everything I eat (for example weigh the cereal and the mushrooms, take note of the calories of take out sandwiches, etc), however right now I'm happy with the small victory of starting to reduce quantities and starting to make a few healthier decisions.
I'm pleased that I gave myself a bit of leeway as I think it has stopped me going off the rails at the first hurdle, let's just hope that slow and steady wins the race!
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